There it is, I already feel the fatigue. The cycle of eternal enthusiasm; adrenalin rush; extreme effort followed invariably by fatigue & nausea and aversion to do the job on hand is repeating itself.Any thing I start doing, just drops off in the middle. I feel no enthusiasm to write stuff, words just don't flow and worse, I have no control over it. And to make it even more frightening, I know that this is only an ugly manifestation of a deeper malaise that is eating me inside out. I am conscious of this fact but helplessly running out of ideas. I have played enough games with my brain, lulling it into doing something that it might never do on its own. But now is it becoming aware of all the scheming? Will it grow wiser and resist control? Will it start acting on its own dervish spectre? Is the game over? Have I fed the evil so well that it is now a full grown bear growling to take the reins of my hapless being? Oh god! Wait! Why god? I know there is nothing like god, its just an insane idea invented by some clever pundit to mass control thoughts. Oh my! Am I becoming aware of this idea? Or is it my evil brain thinking to grow out of order? It is happening again. I can see the devils smirk in the background. I know I am approaching that end of the cliff when I invariable decide to jump, only to realise that with one leap I will have kicked out years of good I did to myself. Can I save my self this time? Will the mind monkey listen? Is there help? can someone unscrew my brain and treat this worm?
Will someone answer these questions? Again, I know the chances are next to zilch! So is it for you, you and everyone else!
Will someone answer these questions? Again, I know the chances are next to zilch! So is it for you, you and everyone else!
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