Every time I feel bored or I dont feel like studying or feel helpless and alone, I start to blog. I say blogging is one kind gift for sane people. I say sane people because only they know how to give vent to their feelings. An I am proud to count myself among this category of species.
Any way I am again in one of those same acustomedly uncomfortable situations where I dont have control on my thoughts. While I want to study, the mind plays monkey and starts dreaming up of all sorts of things like being a musician to a motor racing champion. This essentially happens over weekends. After coming here, I have a semblence of order going on atleast when it come to my studies. I read atleast for an hour every day and think of gianing a huge head start over weekends. Unfortunately the weekend almost invariably goes for a toss and I am left thinking why and how I have wasted the weekend over the sunday night meal.
Let me do a causal analysis of what happens during the weekends. I can clearly see a trend going but am pretty much helpless in breaking it. Ever weekend starts with a lot of anticipation and expectation of gaining a lot . The planning starts from the Thursday morning about what all chores need to be done on the much awaited golden day. Plans of cooking a sumptuos meal to laundry to shoe polish to pressing the clothes to cleaning up the mess that has piled up in the room during the week, to going to Tsuen Wan for essential Onion, potato and banana, all come flooding to the mind. I then sheepishly drive all of them away and finish of the work for thursday and head home.
On friday there is new fond happines. The day starts well with waking up early, getting ready for the office in time and even waiting for the bus in the lobby. Unlike the daily drama of running like a dog in the lobby shouting "Wait! I am here!" It s one of those rare days of the week when you just feel happy because every thing is going on quiet smoothly and there is no sign of disaster lurking in your mind. That mental block of a-few-more-days-to-go-before-rest is missing and this alone is a motivating factor to take the day head on. I reach the office and go through the chores with the delightfull thought of weekend behind my mind. Every thing looks colourful and bright since everyone shares the same euphoria. You greet the security man, smile at the housekeeping and even say goodmorning to your boss. After a wreched wait for 5 days the elusive weekend comes in and from six oclock you wait for the rest to leave so that you are not the first one to leave. Once a couple leave you jump into the lift and press "G" with so much vigour that it appears as if the lift is the vehicle which will transport you from hell to heaven.
Once out of office building, you deceide the best place to go is TST jsut to pick up some new DVD And/or some ready made mix so that you are spared the ordeal of cooking that night. Or if things go well you might as well have dinner in Chungking and leave for home, sweet home. Once home, i deciede the best way to pass the vening is to watch the DVD and by the time the meal is cooked and is ready to be eaten, its 10:00 PM and I start the movie. The best part of watching a movie on DVD is that you dont need to stand up or go near the player once the movie starts. With delight you skip all the dance and song crap on fast forward appreciating the geek who invented fast forward and rejoice when you see the intermission board since you know that it wouldnt waste time on lenghthy 20 mts delays unlike in a movie theatre. By the time the movie is finished, its 12:00, and then the spirit of friday lifts its head once again and I flip through a magazine or a novel or just keep watching those stupid TV programs till 1:00 Clock just beacuse I am ashamed to sleep early on a weekend. Or rather sleeping looks like the last thing that should be done. Either way, I sleep late and wake up lazily at around 10:00 AM in the morning.
Happy that its a saturday, I gaze at the mirror for a long time, sheepishly brush and wash with absolute disregard for time. By the time I cook a meal, eat and start feeling awake, its 2:00 PM and its time for some musicYou Tube/mails/ TV and catching up with friends. Now when the thought finally veer towards study, I make a face and open the book waiting for a face saving distractive thought to occur so that I can disentangel myself from this skull drudgerry. The welcome thought stikes the target definitely within 30mts and I happly embrace this new task unmindful of the worthlessness of this endevour. It costs me time, energy and almost invariably money. But still I have gratified my self in someway and get on with the job with the seriousness of a blood hound. Had I been in India there would not have been any guilt involved because I am wholly consumed with the tasks on hand that there is little or not time left for remorse.
Later, my paternal emotions ebb out and its " home is calling". I talk home, chat with friends, watch a uselessly informative discovery channel program and gain uneccesary information on extreme engineering or marine biology or dirty american jobs. After this enervating experience my apetite cries for attention and I promptly attend to my gastric needs. Post dinner, I feel ashamed again and fell atleast today I should sleep in earthly hours and hit the bed promising myself of the determined effort I shall put in tomorrow in completing the planned tasks.
Sunday mornings are not that rosy though. I wake up well in early hours and prepare some coffee. After updating myself with the current events engaging the worlds attention, I glance at the clock which indicates that the day has progressed from morning to afternoon and I start wondering how disturbingly fast time flies by. It then strikes me that I am wholly unprepared for the week ahead and I race to catch the 3 PM shuttle to Tsuen Wan. I do the normal purchases and hedge my hunger for the coming week. The entire sabbatical takes 3 hrs and I am back again to my blissfull abode. While I walk back, the hotel lobby reminds me of the excellent gym and fitness centre available at the hotel. Having paid the rent promptly, I chaff myself that I not utilizing it. Determined to reverse this currelt flow, I change into gym wear and head straight to the gym. Watching Desi music channel for inspiration, I sweating for 20 mts on the tradmill and head for the weight training sphere. This tough wasn't my forte. So I give it up for the calm and tantalizing waters of the Jacuzzi. An hour there and I feel refreshed and ready to take on the demanding duties of the material world. I hop back home and catch a bite usaually egg and something. Thinking of tomorrow, I iron a pair of tolerable garments and hit the bed again.
It is here that I am cornered and strangulated by guilt. Thoughts of irresponsible behaviour, wanton negligence of time and fearless impunity haunt my sleep. I try to fight them off with a change in line of thought but some how they muscle their way in, like the obstinate mosquito trying to sing in your ear. Finally I fall a sleep and the weekend ends there! So goes the lazy gent.....
Any way I am again in one of those same acustomedly uncomfortable situations where I dont have control on my thoughts. While I want to study, the mind plays monkey and starts dreaming up of all sorts of things like being a musician to a motor racing champion. This essentially happens over weekends. After coming here, I have a semblence of order going on atleast when it come to my studies. I read atleast for an hour every day and think of gianing a huge head start over weekends. Unfortunately the weekend almost invariably goes for a toss and I am left thinking why and how I have wasted the weekend over the sunday night meal.
Let me do a causal analysis of what happens during the weekends. I can clearly see a trend going but am pretty much helpless in breaking it. Ever weekend starts with a lot of anticipation and expectation of gaining a lot . The planning starts from the Thursday morning about what all chores need to be done on the much awaited golden day. Plans of cooking a sumptuos meal to laundry to shoe polish to pressing the clothes to cleaning up the mess that has piled up in the room during the week, to going to Tsuen Wan for essential Onion, potato and banana, all come flooding to the mind. I then sheepishly drive all of them away and finish of the work for thursday and head home.
On friday there is new fond happines. The day starts well with waking up early, getting ready for the office in time and even waiting for the bus in the lobby. Unlike the daily drama of running like a dog in the lobby shouting "Wait! I am here!" It s one of those rare days of the week when you just feel happy because every thing is going on quiet smoothly and there is no sign of disaster lurking in your mind. That mental block of a-few-more-days-to-go-before-rest is missing and this alone is a motivating factor to take the day head on. I reach the office and go through the chores with the delightfull thought of weekend behind my mind. Every thing looks colourful and bright since everyone shares the same euphoria. You greet the security man, smile at the housekeeping and even say goodmorning to your boss. After a wreched wait for 5 days the elusive weekend comes in and from six oclock you wait for the rest to leave so that you are not the first one to leave. Once a couple leave you jump into the lift and press "G" with so much vigour that it appears as if the lift is the vehicle which will transport you from hell to heaven.
Once out of office building, you deceide the best place to go is TST jsut to pick up some new DVD And/or some ready made mix so that you are spared the ordeal of cooking that night. Or if things go well you might as well have dinner in Chungking and leave for home, sweet home. Once home, i deciede the best way to pass the vening is to watch the DVD and by the time the meal is cooked and is ready to be eaten, its 10:00 PM and I start the movie. The best part of watching a movie on DVD is that you dont need to stand up or go near the player once the movie starts. With delight you skip all the dance and song crap on fast forward appreciating the geek who invented fast forward and rejoice when you see the intermission board since you know that it wouldnt waste time on lenghthy 20 mts delays unlike in a movie theatre. By the time the movie is finished, its 12:00, and then the spirit of friday lifts its head once again and I flip through a magazine or a novel or just keep watching those stupid TV programs till 1:00 Clock just beacuse I am ashamed to sleep early on a weekend. Or rather sleeping looks like the last thing that should be done. Either way, I sleep late and wake up lazily at around 10:00 AM in the morning.
Happy that its a saturday, I gaze at the mirror for a long time, sheepishly brush and wash with absolute disregard for time. By the time I cook a meal, eat and start feeling awake, its 2:00 PM and its time for some musicYou Tube/mails/ TV and catching up with friends. Now when the thought finally veer towards study, I make a face and open the book waiting for a face saving distractive thought to occur so that I can disentangel myself from this skull drudgerry. The welcome thought stikes the target definitely within 30mts and I happly embrace this new task unmindful of the worthlessness of this endevour. It costs me time, energy and almost invariably money. But still I have gratified my self in someway and get on with the job with the seriousness of a blood hound. Had I been in India there would not have been any guilt involved because I am wholly consumed with the tasks on hand that there is little or not time left for remorse.
Later, my paternal emotions ebb out and its " home is calling". I talk home, chat with friends, watch a uselessly informative discovery channel program and gain uneccesary information on extreme engineering or marine biology or dirty american jobs. After this enervating experience my apetite cries for attention and I promptly attend to my gastric needs. Post dinner, I feel ashamed again and fell atleast today I should sleep in earthly hours and hit the bed promising myself of the determined effort I shall put in tomorrow in completing the planned tasks.
Sunday mornings are not that rosy though. I wake up well in early hours and prepare some coffee. After updating myself with the current events engaging the worlds attention, I glance at the clock which indicates that the day has progressed from morning to afternoon and I start wondering how disturbingly fast time flies by. It then strikes me that I am wholly unprepared for the week ahead and I race to catch the 3 PM shuttle to Tsuen Wan. I do the normal purchases and hedge my hunger for the coming week. The entire sabbatical takes 3 hrs and I am back again to my blissfull abode. While I walk back, the hotel lobby reminds me of the excellent gym and fitness centre available at the hotel. Having paid the rent promptly, I chaff myself that I not utilizing it. Determined to reverse this currelt flow, I change into gym wear and head straight to the gym. Watching Desi music channel for inspiration, I sweating for 20 mts on the tradmill and head for the weight training sphere. This tough wasn't my forte. So I give it up for the calm and tantalizing waters of the Jacuzzi. An hour there and I feel refreshed and ready to take on the demanding duties of the material world. I hop back home and catch a bite usaually egg and something. Thinking of tomorrow, I iron a pair of tolerable garments and hit the bed again.
It is here that I am cornered and strangulated by guilt. Thoughts of irresponsible behaviour, wanton negligence of time and fearless impunity haunt my sleep. I try to fight them off with a change in line of thought but some how they muscle their way in, like the obstinate mosquito trying to sing in your ear. Finally I fall a sleep and the weekend ends there! So goes the lazy gent.....
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