After a long long time, I have started blogging again and much to the glee of a lot of my critics, life has left me in pretty much the same situation where I left the blog. May be we have a tough bonding.
I have always seen the blog as a personal space to vent/pent open your feelings, moods or ,thoughts. A small space for you where you thrive to publish your identity. The lone reason why I always aimed to use it to the fullest. But like all my endeavours , I never pursued it seriously to make an impact. I start wondering if something fundamentally is wrong with me. All words, all claims, nothing in action?
Here I must come out in the open to reflect that I too did my fair bit of hard work. But it needed a lot of infrastructure to fall in place. Like favourable conditions, someone pushing me to do it,ET AL. But does it mean hard work? I doubt. Lets do a causal analysis of my efforts.
I start every thing with boyish enthusiasm, full of Vivie and displaying a feeling like this is life and I am doing just that that makes me happy. People love to see enthusiasm and life. It rubs on and so it keeps going. All is fine and happy till I meet an obstacle or plain get a feeling of "Good me, I have it been working well!". That's when things start rolling down, I slowly start neglecting things. I will let it ferment till a show down, a tete-e-tete and then starts the struggle! Escape says the mind. I search for easy exits and shortcuts so that I can disentangle myself from the current avocation.
Let me go down into a level 2 analysis of what chemistry brings in this change. When the going is good, I am happy doing what I am doing. Then the Satan enters my brain and starts the negative line of thought and starts questions like, what does your current effort give you? Does the effort take you any where close to what you always wanted to do in life? Why are you working at all? Then it veers towards what if you don't do it? This is the entry point into the all encompassing world of the Satan. I am now slowly lulled into inaction. I start talking about how I am doing unimportant things in life. I start thinking about reasons to stop doing what I am doing. I catch all those small loop holes that nature is so good at throwing and make them the reason for my laziness. And before I say caught, I am now going down the not-doing lane. What always seemed rosy, the thing to do in life, the duty I was supposed to fulfill with all the attention in the world, now seems an unimportant intrusion into my small and happy world. An aberration that I got to get rid of a soon of possible to restore the equilibrium. I fall out of it and breathe and then I am ready for something else...
Take up some thing and start over from step one and go through the notions. God! Who will tame my mind monkey?
I have always seen the blog as a personal space to vent/pent open your feelings, moods or ,thoughts. A small space for you where you thrive to publish your identity. The lone reason why I always aimed to use it to the fullest. But like all my endeavours , I never pursued it seriously to make an impact. I start wondering if something fundamentally is wrong with me. All words, all claims, nothing in action?
Here I must come out in the open to reflect that I too did my fair bit of hard work. But it needed a lot of infrastructure to fall in place. Like favourable conditions, someone pushing me to do it,ET AL. But does it mean hard work? I doubt. Lets do a causal analysis of my efforts.
I start every thing with boyish enthusiasm, full of Vivie and displaying a feeling like this is life and I am doing just that that makes me happy. People love to see enthusiasm and life. It rubs on and so it keeps going. All is fine and happy till I meet an obstacle or plain get a feeling of "Good me, I have it been working well!". That's when things start rolling down, I slowly start neglecting things. I will let it ferment till a show down, a tete-e-tete and then starts the struggle! Escape says the mind. I search for easy exits and shortcuts so that I can disentangle myself from the current avocation.
Let me go down into a level 2 analysis of what chemistry brings in this change. When the going is good, I am happy doing what I am doing. Then the Satan enters my brain and starts the negative line of thought and starts questions like, what does your current effort give you? Does the effort take you any where close to what you always wanted to do in life? Why are you working at all? Then it veers towards what if you don't do it? This is the entry point into the all encompassing world of the Satan. I am now slowly lulled into inaction. I start talking about how I am doing unimportant things in life. I start thinking about reasons to stop doing what I am doing. I catch all those small loop holes that nature is so good at throwing and make them the reason for my laziness. And before I say caught, I am now going down the not-doing lane. What always seemed rosy, the thing to do in life, the duty I was supposed to fulfill with all the attention in the world, now seems an unimportant intrusion into my small and happy world. An aberration that I got to get rid of a soon of possible to restore the equilibrium. I fall out of it and breathe and then I am ready for something else...
Take up some thing and start over from step one and go through the notions. God! Who will tame my mind monkey?
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